The Voting Mango
All Presidential Politics from here till November
Saturday, February 21, 2004
I'm going to Mexico in about 3 hours. I'll be back in a week. More updates then.
From the Department of Revamping the Primary Process
There's a lot of talk about the current process of the Democratic Primaries, what with the frontloading or endloading or motherloading or whatever that wacky Terry McAuliffe came up with this year. People in late voting states complain that it's over before they get to cast a vote. People in non-Iowa/New Hampshire/Wisconsin complain because they don't get pandered to. Candidates complain they have to run in several states at once, or not at all in some states, and really, it seems like a stupid system. I have a solution: Turn the primaries over to the producers of American Idol and run it like that. Have a series of glitzy, entertaining primetime events involving the presidential contenders, and at the end of each one, the American Public gets to vote on which candidate they want to keep. The next night, the candidate with the least votes gets the boot. I'm sure we could come up with a system of Tele-voting -- if you can Telefile your tax return, this can be done. The trick, really, is getting people to watch it. Here's how:
First, the eternally perky, deliberately tousled Ryan Seacrest will host it. This is the only way.
Second, put the candidates in situations in which they are not necessarily comfortable. Have pop quizzes on important matters. Have them all sing a patriotic song. Give them strange phrases to put in their speeches. Make them do ridiculous video-taped skits. The possibilities are endless.
Third, there must be judges. I suggest Michael Moore or Al Franken, Ann Coulter, and Simon Cowell. Simon is required, the others should be chosen on the basis of their snarkiness. Maybe have guest judges.
Fourth, sprinkle in some other entertainment. Bring back Clay and Ruben. Maybe let them be guest judges.
Some would say this sounds undignified, a mockery of the solemn electoral process; these people have obviously never watched the electoral process.
George W. Bush
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